2026, march 12 thurs / 01:27

feeling motivated to work more on this site but stalling everytime i open a text editor. it'd be nice to have the header text change on each refresh. preferably to lines from songs i enjoy! right now "terror on the intercom" is from coheed + cambria - delirium trigger. the discovery of the second stage turbine blade began to solidify my taste in music.

other than wanting to work on things and then not progressing much, i haggled with an ebay seller and scored myself an untested handheld camera and a lightscribe burner!! very excited to see how both of them work. of course, my external cd burner shit out on me when i was in the mood to start burning playlists. but whatever... i'll live..

ok. until next time, whoever reads these(:

2026, february 19 thurs / 03:02

whatever's the reason about posting late on thursday could maybe explain something. lots that's overwhelming, and nothing that's enough to urge me to finish a project. so i guess i'll use the time before semi-important days to word vomit about them here, and maybe, just maybe somethin'll stick

>YOU'LLHAVETODRAGMEOUT

after getting lividly pissed off from what could've been good (often the case) first reformed left me feeling like everyone misses their mark on purpose in favor of being 'good'. i'm not shy myself from the constant cycle of 'is any of this shit 'good?'', but there's some cowardice moves that breaks a story and it's a driving force to make my own faults with something - at the very least.

so, spoilers, the tl;dr - the church should've been mantled in guts. how are you going to have a man of god wrap himself in barb wired and not explode himself for the better part of a narrative about destitution??? i want severity. can't love be about losing it all, being the suffering cost of it??. the whole plan was to take something somebody didn't want to do - ruin the love story. destroy the man. wrap him up in the same barb wire, outfitted to the gods in a bomber vest and decimated in the eyes of the church. all for the love of the game.

working title, and y'know. i can always be on the wrongside of the table.

>MADRA ALLTA

false vermins have been fixated as the man's eternal need for an enemy. to rationalize existence, have a part in powerplay, etc. etc. etc. whatever suffices the soft backbone of humanity - a wolf had been shot 3 times, first in the pelvis, shattering her hip, then to the shoulder for further immoblization before the final blow through her skull.

on separate occassion, a wolf pup had cannibalized his brother as no parent returned to the den. from reading about both events, and having reintroduced myself to my circa 2009 obsession wolfquest, i'm hoping to commit to this project the most.

from perspective of the fratricidal pup, swallowing each bone of his brother, i, well.... hope to get disconcerting with it.

>FAMILY ANNIHILATOR

an old one at this point. connected to 'cattlegrab' + 'deadwyler' - never posted the poem anywhere in some attempt to 'save' it, because there's something wrong with it... but of course, none of that shit is real, so here it is:

and i am not allowed

to the locked room

so i

mend a cathartic

body

staring down

another hollow

preying

its appetite

on the

loaded gun. resonant with legs out on the hillsland

fleshbore perforrations, the family annihilator has not come home.

busy with my body

hearths spitting dark contingencies

coltishly, nobody believed

< it wouldn't happen it'd never happen all happens to me >

btw - if you have a physical copy of deadwyler, there's an easter egg. page 5

listening to: vacillator - ethel cain

2026, january 15 thurs / 00:24

sunn O))) nurse with wound dysnystaxis, btw

2025, july 24 thurs / 18:45

i was so embarrassed i took this page off this site but who gives af i have things to share. here's a partial transcript i typed out months ago, of kathleen collin's masterclass, 1984. took me plenty of time but got there eventually!

2025, june 1 sun / 01:21

lowkey embarrassed by this pg.......,,.,, whatever. its what the blogging's for

2025, mar 5 weds / 13:42

i have 6 mins before i have to leave for work but i updated what i'm reading, happily taking off we burn daylight because that book was fucking bad. maybe i'll come back and update with my thoughts on how it shitted the bed but no man should be writing a 15 yr old girl calling her bf pilgrim or some corny shit oh my godd it was SO BAD!!!!

definitely an ilk to longlegs... grouping this into the same pit of despair where someone has a concept but can't sit with it beyond its surface

2025, feb 27 thurs / 22:08

punish on perverts remains in my top 3 songs of all time i think... i've also found an epiphanic vomiting of blood (2008) from my tumblr's sideblog and gave it a listen. low, snowstrippers, jane remover, chat pile and witch house have been some favorite noises recently. it might be loser like to say but i think my favorite past time is drinking and listening to noise.

of a more recent memory of my favorite noise was when i was leaving work about a year ago, and stopped on the sidewalk of this intersection while i listened to a pitched waning in the distance. it was unlike any alarm i've heard before. there's gotta be a recording of it somewhere,,,

2025, feb 5 weds / ??:??

THE HOLE....

made hole for new project about caves.. [; it's heavily underdone, and also inspired by this work. i used images from a video taken by beatriz flamini, a woman who spent 500 days in a cave. here's jacob geller talking about it.

can't say it's anywhere finished to my satisfaction but oh well. the staple gun stopped working...

2025, jan 28 tues / 14:36

been having thoughts around tabling but i've completely fell off printmaking. i have some really shit lino blocks and that's what i think threw me off loll. i hope to carve out some dogs i'm happy with and maybe slap those on some shirts. i got a tub of black fabric speedball on clearance the other week heheh.

i've been meaning to leave the house 2day but it doesn't look like it's happeninp.. L....

2025, jan 22 wed / 22:50

i have a great headache but i've started reading getting medieval by carolyn dinshaw after seeing it somewhere on a tumblr blog dedicated to medieval monk and knight relations lol. i've been writing down stuff i want to inject and smear into my sulci and this is what i've got so far

"Pleasure may be afforded by a break with the past, a rupture of historical identity, as well as by a touching across time, for example; the loss of the past might carry an erotic charge."

fits of nausea, dizziness, oppression do not come only from the seasons, from the weather; it is the very horror of narrated history which provokes them: Michelet has ‘historical’ migraines… September 1792, the beginnigns of the Convention, the Terror, so many immediate diseases, concrete as toothaches.”

i often want to fall into things and read and write about them until my body revolts

replaced blood ritual, enzo escober with this current read, but i highly recommend that article. one of my favs.

2025, jan 20 mon / 13:45

back home to my parents and i can't help but appreicate their style as i get older. it's been earth tones, house plants and clay pots thru out... a green wall kitchen, warm brown wooden floors. a fireplace we never used lol. recently my uncle passed. i inherited his speaker system and some african statues and masks. i was worried that his +1,000 photos of our family, back when they were in south carolina, was displaced. but! great news, i'm next in line to have it. the acquistion thru death is a complicated feeling for me, but i know this is how i can still have the memory of someone.

14:28

I DO NOT DO BACK AND FORTH WITH A CRACKER I'M CRACKING MY WHIP ON THE BEAT!!...!!.!!

2025, jan 17 fri / 11:51

despite hay fever & hard breathing i managed to make homepage managable to look at on laptop screens, i'm just not happy w/ needing laptop users to scroll out to get the centered div... now it's scrollbars on this page that i'm not happy with. i hope they're not too in the way, but the flow of it is uhh unpleasant... but u live u learn.

got a new idea for another book despite constant pain of living in a body trying to cave in onto itself. despite despite despite, etc etc... speleology and topology save me

13:58

IT'S DONE??? I THINK THE WEBSITE IS FINALLY DONE.

16:12

lol ^ NOW it's done. ((((:

2025, jan 10 fri / 19:57

i was hoping to get this website linked to my decrepit socials but i'm 95% there!! i regret removing the sidebar and scrolling header from some pages... but there's no way i'm going thru the pain of reinstating that even tho it's just a bit of copy and paste.

ANYWAYS. poetry collection should be together soon, it's the last piece to tie everything together and send this shit out. currently i have two, "cowboy tectonic" and "air in the eyes, hills forever", both titles i've read at elliot bay books :3 i've been thinking about getting into printing and tabling at events. i've fell off from poetry for reasons that lack cohesion, but i hope to get back into sharing writing somehow. perhaps that's why there's this site. who knows.

my overall inspiration has been sharply waning and i'm finding, for better, reading to fill in my time when i'm not feverishly writing down notes that won't be used in the next 3 months i touch the project.

also bought an oxford annotated bible and shipped it to the wrong address. also need to pick up perceval from my parent's yayy!! yayyy!!!!!!

2025, jan 9 thurs / 10:58

this has taken a ridiculous amount of time getting together but i hope to keep consistent and build an online community ((: if anyone is interested in making their own website, the craft eases the more u stare and troubleshoot code for hours, yayy